Change is in the air.
The year 2009 is drawing to a close and I will not be continuing 2010 in the same vein that I have lived my life in past years.
My youngest daughter, Amelia, turned 17 last Tuesday. Her birthday party was held here at home on Friday night, and by all accounts it was a very successful event! In the terms of young people,any way.
It is wonderful to observe teenagers having a good time. All so young, without a care in the world. So much anticipation of the years ahead of them.
My Man and I have been cleaning the house since yesterday afternoon. Perhaps I could name it a “spring clean, in early summer, in preparation for Christmas”. Shampooed carpets, polished furniture, cleaned silver, scrubbed floors. My youngest son, Oliver, and Amelia, have been marvelling tonight at the shine on the kitchen floor!
Tonight I have cleaned all of the books on my recipe book book-shelf. I’m looking forward to reacquainting myself with my cookbooks, some of which I had forgotten that I owned.
Although the temperatures are rising with the onset of summer, my plans for planting my herbs and vegetables remain the same.
This morning, I awoke with a feeling of relief, and calm. Work is up to date, Amelia’s party is over. I will now begin my life – for me.
Have I made all that many mistakes throughout my lifetime? In the last 24 years in particular? If I had my years of motherhood, to date, to live over again, would I live them any differently? Probably not.
During this year I have come to realise that Sam and Rosie’s impression of who their mother is (that would be me), has been defined by the person that I have let myself become, to fit in with their lives.
Sam and Rosie – “Mum often runs late when we are going out somewhere”.
Me – “I spend so much time getting the kids ready to go out, that I don’t have enough time to get myself ready”.
Sam and Rosie – “Mum likes eating the same food as we do”.
Me – “I stopped eating the food I like because the kids complained so much about it. I make food they like eating so we don’t have arguments at mealtimes”.
Sam and Rosie – “When Mum makes dinner, we always eat so late!”
Me – “If I didn’t have everyone in the house asking me to do something for them, when all I want to do is prepare dinner, we would get the food on the table much earlier”.
As much as I love and adore my two eldest offspring, they can be self-opinionated, selfish and judgemental adults at times! Oh to be 24 (or 21, in Rosie’s case) and absolutely know, with utter certainty, that everything they think, say and do is totally, without question, RIGHT!
What a relief it is, to have made that decision! Like floating along in a boat on a stream, with no paddles, looking forward to where this boat is taking me.
No fuss. No battle. Just calm. And freedom. And Clarity. Bliss.