“A Review of the Year That Was” A.K.A. “Making all the Wrong Choices, for all the Right Reasons”

Time....

“We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths;

In feelings, not in figures on a dial” ~ Philip James Bailey.

You may have noticed, as I have, the way in which time speeds along these years, faster than ever before.

Perhaps that statement could be debatable. Perhaps it is our faster pace of life that is the culprit, leaving us all with the impression that someone has reduced the number of weeks between one Christmas ending, and the next Christmas beginning.

With that in mind, I find I simply must utter the classic statement ~”Where did this year go?!”

I still have yet to determine why every December brings with it the thoughts of changes I wish to make to my life, as I venture towards improving the quality of said life. Call it “Making New Year’s Resolutions” if you must; I prefer to regard any changes I feel I must make as “learning and growing”.

My wise and wonderful mother repeatedly informed me that you are never too old to learn something new. As a twenty-something year old I scoffed at her statement, not due to disrespect for my mum, but rather from my own misconception that I would be “forever young”, and not ever “old enough to learn something new”.

Well, my memories of having been twenty-something have long since melded themselves into the far away distance of yesteryear, being replaced by a strong desire to learn something new, anything new, oh please, just let me learn!

Therefore, in earnest review of the Year of Our Lord, 2011, as I find myself in the midst of profound flash-backs of the year that was, have I gained any wisdom from my numerous choices and actions?

I wish I could answer that question with a resounding “yes!” but honesty prevents me from doing so.

Yet again, I recall wrong choices made, for all the right reasons. And why, I ask myself, must hindsight bring me all of the wisdom I strive for, yet again?

As I beat my head against the brick wall, strongly chastising myself for all of my wrong-doings throughout this year, a more profound question comes to me ~ “If I could relive the past year and re-do anything I have done, would I change anything?” More importantly, could I change anything, given the knowledge I found myself with at the time?

And therein lies the answer to all of the questions The Universe could ever wish to throw in my direction on this subject. If I have made my choices by acting upon every God-Given Instinct in my possession; if my actions are made without cruelty or malice toward another person; if I am able to lay my head upon my pillow and sleep soundly each night, free of any hint of a guilty conscience ~ I have learned something new, and I have grown.

….and I will continue to grow, and learn some more, next year….

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Summer in Australia

Living in the sub tropics of Australia might be the ideal life for some. The thought of all year ’round sunshine must be very appealing, when you are knee-deep in snow. But every summer, I have the same complaint. I really dislike the summer where I live! So, what am I doing, living here? I ask myself that same question, every single year.

It really is an excercise in futility, contemplating the why’s and the wherefore’s, though. I know why I’m living here. My family loves the summer! Yes, I have a family of beach-loving, heat loving, summer clothes loving people.

We had very little winter last year to speak of. While I was patiently waiting for the winter coldness to kick in, an early spring arrived. And spring felt like summer! Here it is now, mid-January, and even Sam and Amelia, the two biggest heat lovers of all, have had enough of the heat! Rosie  is convinced she is about to melt and Oliver has spent so much time in the salt water at the beach, he says he’s pickled!

There are so many advantages to living in a cooler climate. It’s just that those living in the snow have probably never experienced the extreme heat that the summers in Australia can, and usually do, bring.

For the first thirteen years of my life I lived in a mountainous area, where we enjoyed four seasons each and every year. Although there was no chance of snow where I lived, we only need travel about 20 minutes further into the mountains for the snowy areas. Summer was a time when the weather warmed up quite a bit, so we went into summer clothes for a maximum of about three months. There was the occasional hot day, but probably only 3 or 4 days of unbearable heat. And I thought those 3 or 4 days of  heat were tough to cope with!

Then my parents came up with the bright idea of moving north…the weather would be much nicer, they said. We moved in late September. In early October I had started at my new school. At the end of the first week at school, there was an athletics carnival. I remember the day well. I was saved from having to compete in any other event than one running race, due to my recent arrival at the school, so I spent a very enjoyable day sitting on a grassy hill overlooking the events, chatting to all of my new found friends.

By lunchtime, my legs were starting to itch in a way that I had never felt before, like a burning feeling.

One of my friends asked me if I was wearing sun screen. After my new-found friends had kindly educated me on what exactly sun screen was (!) they then went on to tell me that I had sunburnt legs! Can the sun actually burn your skin, I asked? Children can, at times, be very cruel. I was extremely lucky to have come across a great bunch of kids, who didn’t ridicule me for being so clueless about the sun!!

Needless to say, after my crash-course on the effect of the suns’ rays, during that sunny October day many years ago, I have since always owned a tube of sunscreen!

I miss the autumn leaves. I long for the days of walking through the yellow, orange, red, crimson and purple leaves, when they have fallen from the Liquid Amber, Japanese Maple or Golden Ash trees. Cooler autumn days, turning into colder winter nights, snuggled up under a cosy rug in front of a blazing fireplace, reading my latest book discovery. Spring in September, bringing with it the new buds of growth on the bare tree branches, with a promise of beautiful sunny days and a kaleidoscope of coloured flowers in the garden, warming up even more to lazy summer days at Christmas time, spent with friends and family. The four seasons are just divine!!!

Well, for now I have to stay put. My children love their schools. They have friends here. So, for now anyway, I will continue to sit or stand in front of a fan, dreaming of the cooler days to come.

And next summer? I might just visit England!

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Monday, 7th December, 2009.

Change is in the air.

The year 2009 is drawing to a close and I will not be continuing 2010 in the same vein that I have lived my life in past years.

My youngest daughter, Amelia, turned 17 last Tuesday. Her birthday party was held here at home on Friday night, and by all accounts it was a very successful event! In the terms of young people,any way.

It is wonderful to observe teenagers having a good time. All so young, without a care in the world. So much anticipation of the years ahead of them.

My Man and I have been cleaning the house since yesterday afternoon. Perhaps I could name it a “spring clean, in early summer, in preparation for Christmas”. Shampooed carpets, polished furniture, cleaned silver, scrubbed floors. My youngest son, Oliver, and Amelia, have been marvelling tonight at the shine on the kitchen floor!

Tonight I have cleaned all of the books on my recipe book book-shelf. I’m looking forward to reacquainting myself with my cookbooks, some of which I had forgotten that I owned.

Although the temperatures are rising with the onset of summer, my plans for planting my herbs and vegetables remain the same.

This morning, I awoke with a feeling of relief, and calm. Work is up to date, Amelia’s party is over. I will now begin my life – for me.

Have I made all that many mistakes throughout my lifetime? In the last 24 years in particular? If I had my years of motherhood, to date, to live over again, would I live them any differently? Probably not.

During this year I have come to realise that Sam and Rosie’s impression of who their mother is (that would be me), has been defined by the person that I have let myself become, to fit in with their lives.

Sam and Rosie – “Mum often runs late when we are going out somewhere”.
Me – “I spend so much time getting the kids ready to go out, that I don’t have enough time to get myself ready”.

Sam and Rosie – “Mum likes eating the same food as we do”.
Me – “I stopped eating the food I like because the kids complained so much about it. I make food they like eating so we don’t have arguments at mealtimes”.

Sam and Rosie – “When Mum makes dinner, we always eat so late!”
Me – “If I didn’t have everyone in the house asking me to do something for them, when all I want to do is prepare dinner, we would get the food on the table much earlier”.

As much as I love and adore my two eldest offspring, they can be self-opinionated, selfish and judgemental adults at times! Oh to be 24 (or 21, in Rosie’s case) and absolutely know, with utter certainty, that everything they think, say and do is totally, without question, RIGHT!

Here I am now, realising the error of my ways, planning on so many changes. Change number one – “I will put myself first, before all others”. Yes, that’s right, I am becoming selfish!

What a relief it is, to have made that decision! Like floating along in a boat on a stream, with no paddles, looking forward to where this boat is taking me.

No fuss. No battle. Just calm. And freedom. And Clarity. Bliss.

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